photo by Mike Brodie from A Period of Juvenile Prosperity
On turning 31
I gifted myself 2 things for my birthday this year: a birth chart reading for the year ahead, because I like having an idea of what I’m getting into, and A Period of Juvenile Prosperity by Mike Brodie, a book that rocked my world back when I was primarily a photographer, because it’s important to remember the younger you and how you got to where you are now, no matter the sequential order.
I am notoriously nostalgic. I’ve been one of a few documentarians for my friends (hi, Johnny) for the better part of a decade. 30 was a weird year though and as it went on I made less of a point to document it. There were many times I didn’t recognise myself. I’ve kept an ongoing list of metaphors as a way to process the profundity of it, the most recent one being like rounding a corner at full speed. My point being, it’s hard to look forward and back at the same time while you’re spinning out.
That’s not to say there weren’t any beautiful experiences or people who entered my life because there were many. I see and talk to them on a regular basis and I feel lucky to have entered their orbit. I hope they know who they are as they are reading this.
I keep writing about loss and what to do with newly cleared out space. Recently, I learned to do nothing with it. Do nothing with the empty space because time needs space in order to do its thing. Allow synchronicity to take over. Let experiences find you. Or for gifts dressed up as people* to unexpectedly walk into your life.
That said, the way I feel today equates to the moment of finally rolling the windows down during a long drive. Letting the new air touch you all over and wake you up. Perhaps the road you’re on is long and open and the time of day is golden hour. I know I’m a predictable sap you guys––just let me have it, it’s my birthday. What I am trying to say is, I feel very rooted in the present moment for the first time in a long time and as one of my most precious gifts dressed up as a person once said, ‘I think…I might be…happy?’.
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*Derek Waters said that in an interview Katie told me about.
October 2023